These are the things I always wanted in life--peace, friends, and a future. When I had friends, I never told them how much I appreciated them, which I now regret. When I had a chance at a future, I messed it up. When I had peace, I did not have it for long, mainly because of my rather bad temper.
And now, I have really messed up with most of my friends here on Xanga. Sometimes, I have often wondered if I will ever have a second chance at life. If only I could have another chance, I swear I would do better than I have for the last eight years. I would turn over a new leaf. I would swallow my pride and try to have better relations with people. But no one wants to give me that second chance, chiefly because they feel that they can no longer trust me. I can understand their feelings. I screwed up a lot of good things in my life, and all I can do now is try to make amends for them.
All I ever wanted in the world was to have peace, friends, and a future. But I had one terrible weakness--a bad temper and too much pride to boot--and that was what messed it all up for me. And then I lost everything--college, friends, and my chance at a future. I never had much to offer people, but one thing I should never have done was lose my temper with them.
Now these same mistakes are interfering with my friendships on Xanga. I have been a hotheaded, stubborn, tempermental idiot towards all of you, and I really am deeply sorry that I have been that way with you, friends of Xanga. I just have been feeling like such a failure, because I have messed up everything in my life, and I only have myself to blame for it. And I should not lay the blame at your door or anyone's door.
Please forgive me, friends.
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