Saturday, 04 July 2009
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Currently
Told U So
By Nu Shooz
Are You Looking For Somebody Nu?
see relatedThe similarities between me and the movie "Purple Rain"
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If anyone has ever seen the movie "Purple Rain," a 1984 film starring Prince, they have seen a mirror image of what I have had to endure for most of my life--being alienated by almost everyone, yet also talented and intellectual in spite of my loneliness. In this film, Prince plays a singer who is as alienated as he is talented, a singer who eventually finds his place in the world without ever thinking he will. That is the kind of man that I am, friends. After eight years, I am a talented person still trying to find my place in the world, like Prince was in "Purple Rain," yet I am having a far more difficult time doing so.
I know I have some measure of talent in me still. The evil students of Chavez High School did not drive it from me fully. The only question is this--Can I still tap into that talent? No one, save my mother, believes that I can. That is why I have been harsh with you, my friends here on Xanga, not because I want to be, but because I am torn between many questions. Should I find some reason for going on, or should I give up on everything I had hoped for since childhood? Should I try to use my talents, or should I let them be and stay lonely and tired? What are my chances for making it in the world?
I don't have any friends, and I sure don't have anyone beyond my old mother who understands that I am not without experience or talent. No one believes in me anymore, just like they didn't believe in Prince in that film, "Purple Rain." Maybe if I use my talents for more resourceful things other than anger and hate for others, like Prince did in that film, then I could recover my losses and create a new hope for myself out of the ruins and ashes of my current life. I just simply don't know how to tap into my talents to do this.
Any advice, anyone?
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Comments (3)
When I hit tough times I do go to God. I know not everyone is a Christian, and it's your right to believe in what you believe, but God has never let me down. He has protected me, and although in darkness and pain I feel He always comes back to me. Everyone has talent and passion, and I don't disbelieve you have something special to offer to the world. Don't let your past control you through anger or hatred--that would be as bad as becoming part of THEM you know? You are capable of achieving a lot--a good heart and passion will go a long way. And I appreciate the apology. You are not alone.
@lil_squirrel4ever - I believe in God, but I have not spoken to him for four years. I just am unable to find it in me to talk to him, friend, partly because I fear that he may not hear me, partly because I feel he may be angry at me for the things I have done and the feelings that I have felt. I am afraid to speak to him because of this.
@cllns_smm - Don't be afraid. I have felt bad before too, but even after years of not going to Him he still came to me in my time of need. I don't write everything on my Xanga, but I have been dealing with some things in my life lately that I could not bear alone, and He listened to my prayers and he sent someone to me. I am not making it up. He is not angry, not will God ever not forgive you. He is all about forgiveness, but all you have to do is speak to him, and listen.